My Brother, the Hero
by WHO on Nov-9-2005

WHO: Retards make me uncomfortable.

Brother: I got into a fight with a retard once

WHO: Are you crazy? Why the hell would you fight a retard?

Brother: Well, it was back in high school. I had a pack of cigarettes in my pocket, but I had put two joints inside the pack. Anyway, some retard saw the pack of cigarettes and snatched out of my pocket and threatened to tell on me.

WHO: Did he know you had pot in there?

Brother: Nah, man, he just thought it was tobacco. He started screaming at the top of his lungs ‘Citizen’s arrest! Citizen’s arrest!’ in that loud honky retard voice that they do. So I started to get scared because he was drawing so much attention to us. So I pushed him down.

WHO: Oh my God, you didn’t.

Brother: I did and then I went for my pack of cigarettes, but the fucker clobbered me. And let me tell you, retards hit HARD. It was like being slammed upside the head with a leg of lamb. So here I am, thinking that maybe I should say ‘fuck it’ to the pot and just run. But nooooo, that retard wasn’t having any of that. He grabbed a hold of my shirt and started screaming ‘Citizen’s arrest!’ again at the top of his fucking crazy retard lungs.

WHO: What did you do?

Brother: What could I do? I fought him. We started punching each other and jerking each other around. And I was getting really freaked out, not only because that retard had my pot, but what if someone saw me beating on him? So, finally, I catch him off guard and I push him down again. But instead of just trying to grab my cigarettes out of his meaty hands, I start kicking him over and over until he drops them.

WHO: You are fucking kidding me.

Brother: No man! Then he drops them and I grab them as fast as I could and he goes to get up to come after me again. So I kick him one last time and run like hell.

WHO: You ran away from a retard?

Brother: You’re goddamn right I did! I ran like a fucking bitch. That retard was fucking my shit up. My knees were all tore up, my shirt was ripped, my lip was bleeding…and all I wanted was my fucking pot anyway.

WHO: That is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

Brother: I know! I wish someone would have tapped us and made that into an anti drug commercial. Smoke this shit and you might just end up fighting retards on school grounds. And you don’t want to fight no retards.

WHO: You know, in some cultures, you might be considered a hero.


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