Club Hell
Return to Verisimilitude
Win Cash.  Jerk.



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1. You are not logged in. Use the form above to do so.

2. You haven't registered an account. This is the first step towards joining Club Hell. You will be asked to enter some basic information about yourself (username, password, email address). Please be sure, if you were referred to the site by a member, that you enter their screenname into the referral box.

3. You haven't completed the subscription process. After creating your account you must subscribe to Club Hell (you have to be logged in). Follow the link, select the "Club Hell Membership" option, and then select your preferred payment method. Currently the only way to join Club Hell is via Paypal. In the near future we will also be accepting Visa/Mastercard.

If you still have questions, are having trouble registering, subscribing, or logging in, please email me. We'll get it figured out.

Join the Most Exclusive Club on the Internet

Are you tired of hanging out on message boards full of teenage brats with inferiority complexes? Do AOL chat rooms and A/S/L-type conversations bore the shit out of you? Have you ever called a Stripper JUST TO TALK?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions (Or just stared at your numb dick in bored dismay) then you're probably a loser. But Good news! Club Hell is FULL of losers who will make you feel LESS like the freakishly annoying social reject you are. And all for the ONE TIME fee of a measly $10!

We feature:

  1. An English, S&M loving whore.
  2. A smiley face obsessed Malaysian who purchases his groceries with goats.
  3. An egocentric party-type American who you will hate and lust after simultaneously.
  4. A South African lesbian who will post pictures of herself in a bikini if you pretend to have a heart.
  5. An Australian with a Mommy complex who routinely uses her office webcam to take and post pictures of her boobs.
  6. Hell, we even have Canadians. My GOD, do we have Canadians! They type their cold little fingers into little ice stubs here at Club Hell and you should, too.

Hell, even the KIDS posting here (And trust me, there are fewer kids posting at CH than on any other forum on the Internet) have the good sense to act like adults. There is not a single person on this board that I would consider the least bit L33T and if YOU start talking in numbers, you will be heckled constantly until you kill yourself. Don't believe me? Read through some of the archives and you will see in one mere year of existence, CH has managed to drive one angsty asshole into an early grave....not to mention the many suicide threats we've had from our current members. (RYOT!)

And really...what's more entertaining than reading 'Goodbye Cruel World' posts?

And when you get sick of reading about psycho's and convicted felons (Guess who?), there are also many, many forums for you moderately sane people to enjoy. Assuming that you can read, (And if you can't...booga, booga, booga...you can't read this...NYAH), there is an entire forum set aside just to talk about books. Yes, we're nerds, but we're nerds who read for fun and have the verbosity to lie about our dick size convincingly! If reading is not your thing (you dipshit), you can talk about music, movies, or you can bore the shit out of us by talking about yourself. Either way, you're almost guaranteed to have fun here...or at least kill an afternoon you would have otherwise spent looking at Internet porn and having cyber sex with a fat man from Texas.

Oh, but wait! There's more!

Joining Club Hell is pretty much the only way that you'll get the chance to talk to ME. I used to tell my friends that I hoped I'd never get too big to answer fan mail. Well, it's official. As of today, I am that big. So no matter how sweetly thought provoking your email is (And I only say that with the LEAST amount of sarcasm), I probably won't respond. I hate to sound like a bitch here (Who am I kidding now?), but if I answered every single bit of fan mail I received, I would have no time to update the main page or keep Club Hell running smoothly. So if you want to talk to me, pay the $10 and follow me around on the board just like every one else does. I promise you, if you're irritating enough, I'll call you a cunt. Cross my cold, black, little heart.

Also, if you're a pervert and just hang out on the site because you're hoping that one day I post my picture, shell out the $10 now, bub, because if it's going to happen, it's going to happen on the board and the board ONLY.

Ok, Ok, enough.

The truth is, I am not a rich WHO. If you've read my site, you know that I'm working as a bartender/server to put myself through school. This site currently costs me 3 times more than it brings in with donations. I've found that the bigger the site grows; I have had to sacrifice more real life luxuries to compensate. I drive a shitty car. I've never been on a 'real' vacation. And dammit, I want a camera clear enough that I can take a picture of my cat and have it look like the regal beast that he is....instead of a grainy little blob.

I'm not asking you to buy me a camera, people. I'm asking you to pay an incredibly small ONE TIME fee of $10 to compensate me for the hours upon hours of free entertainment that you'll receive in here. That way, I can afford to buy my own damn camera.

And with all jokes aside, Club Hell is a really great place to be. We're almost like family here...either that, or a really strange cult. Think the Mafia. Minus the guns; with extra insanity. It doesn't take much to be accepted into the fray around here. No matter how different or radical your viewpoints, if you can write complete sentences, you'll be loved. And if you're hated, you'll be hated in the same way that people hate their 90-year-old grandpappy after he craps himself.

So come on! What have you got to lose? Besides the $10. And let's face it...you were only going to blow that $10 on crappy bestiality porn anyway. At least by joining Club Hell, you'll retain a certain level of respect...

...but don't worry. We'll take care of that for you, too.

Now go sign up.
Please note: After creating your account you must subscribe to Club Hell.


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